I combine in
myself the opposite characteristics of a Man of Sentiment and a Man of Business.
Now I wanted nothing but a boat to furnish
myself with many things which I foresaw would be very necessary to me.
Where or when I first acquainted
myself with his most fascinating genius, I cannot be sure, but I think it was in some article of the Westminster Review, where several poems of his were given in English and German; and their singular beauty and grace at once possessed my soul.
I never presumed to speak, except in answer to a question; and then I did it with inward regret, because it was a loss of so much time for improving
myself; but I was infinitely delighted with the station of an humble auditor in such conversations, where nothing passed but what was useful, expressed in the fewest and most significant words; where, as I have already said, the greatest decency was observed, without the least degree of ceremony; where no person spoke without being pleased himself, and pleasing his companions; where there was no interruption, tediousness, heat, or difference of sentiments.
After much effort I dragged
myself up, so that my leg hung down on one side and my body on the other.
I was learning more and more seamanship; and one clear day--a thing we rarely encountered now--I had the satisfaction of running and handling the Ghost and picking up the boats
myself. Wolf Larsen had been smitten with one of his headaches, and I stood at the wheel from morning until evening, sailing across the ocean after the last lee boat, and heaving to and picking it and the other five up without command or suggestion from him.
The homage of which they were so lavish succeeded, in truth, for my nerves, quite as well as if I never appeared to
myself, as I may say, literally to catch them at a purpose in it.
I wrote it thinking it would sound very witty; but now that I have seen
myself that I only wanted to show off in a despicable way--I will not scratch it out on purpose!) When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used to grind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when I succeeded in making anybody unhappy.
I was now a single person again, as I may call
myself; I was loosed from all the obligations either of wedlock or mistress-ship in the world, except my husband the linen-draper, whom, I having not now heard from in almost fifteen years, nobody could blame me for thinking
myself entirely freed from; seeing also he had at his going away told me, that if I did not hear frequently from him, I should conclude he was dead, and I might freely marry again to whom I pleased.
"I insist on you hearing the whole of it," he replied, "My fortune was never large, and I had always been expensive, always in the habit of associating with people of better income than
myself. Every year since my coming of age, or even before, I believe, had added to my debts; and though the death of my old cousin, Mrs.
Why should I not build a raft and trust
myself to its swiftly flowing waters?
I have received your letter, and though I do not attempt to conceal that I am gratified by your impatience for the hour of meeting, I yet feel
myself under the necessity of delaying that hour beyond the time originally fixed.