I watched the football match on Tuesday night, not because I'm a keen fan (and no, before you ask, I don't know how the off-side rule
works) but it was my way of showing support.
I hate the off-side rule
because so many officials get it wrong eg.
And you thought the off-side rule
in football was complicated?
I know even less about the off-side rule
than I do about nuclear physics and the Hadron Collider, and I can only name the members of the England squad who are married to pop stars/have been caught with their knickers down in varying degrees of sordid scandal.
I know the off-side rule
, I could tell you the difference between a direct and an indirect free kick and I actually felt like crying when Aaron Ramsey scored the winning FA Cup goal for Arsenal, my boy's favourite team.
Above the second commandment of thou must lift our stinky pants and socks off the floor every evening, is the first and most important: "Thou shalt pretend to understand the off-side rule
, spend Saturday mornings on the side of a sodden football pitch, and not mind your lawn being churned up.
There is no off-side rule
and the football has ball bearings inside so the players can hear it.
No official score is kept of the goals which a team scores, and there is no off-side rule
Answer any queries about the off-side rule
with a copy of Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Football, www.
The was an impressive result from the team with defenders Marcus Elliot, George Marsden and George Walker stopping most attacks and playing the off-side rule
with great affect and Oliver Taylor, Joe Thomas, Oliver Binks and Jack Swallow causing problems all over the pitch with their attacking play - and not to mention Liam Atkinson, who made several good saves to keep a well deserved clean sheet.
LOCAL mums are proving that not only do they know the off-side rule
but they can teach it to others.
You explained the off-side rule
, until we told you that we'd always, thank you very much, understood it.